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[swordboning]

...you've reached Archer. Leave a message and if it's suitable, I'll get back to you.

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[swordboning]

...if you have any other false accusations to make, I'll be on the couch.

[Slowly starts padding away...!!!]

[codere]

Archer! [ Her voice is distant now.

... she's clearly in the middle of the bathroom floor. ]

I'm going to die in here.

[swordboning]

You're overreacting.

Secondly, no bathroom door locks on the outside. That would be stupid and bad design. Just unlock it yourself.

[Hangs around to say that.]

[codere]

I've tried, but it won't let me out! [ Thud, thud, thud.

... yes that's her kicking the door while on the floor. She's throwing the biggest temper tantrum right now. ]

[swordboning]

Your excessive skills at electronics aren't any help?

[That, he finds difficult to believe. Everything in this world basically revolved around technology.]

[codere]

[ LOUD DRAMATIC SIGHING. ]

It's a sin to hack without a pair of panties on. Like, I'm pretty sure there's a law against it.

[swordboning]

....under no circumstances am I opening that door while you're nude. All I'd be asking for is pain and regret.

[No one can deny that.]

[codere]

Then I'm going to stay here all night long. [ Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. ]

What are you going to do about breakfast? I'll starve if I'm in here the entire time.

[swordboning]

What do you even want me to do? If it's locked, that's your issue, not mine. If I have to break the door, that's money that we have to pay in reparations.

[Come on, Rin. Budgets have to be balanced.]

[codere]

As my Servant, my issues may as well be yours. [ Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. ]

Why did I leave my boots out there?

[swordboning]

You're the one who...

[Wow, a pause here. Mostly because something just opened up in front of Archer.]

...I wonder what this is.

[codere]

It's me being stuck in the bathroom is what it is!

[ Why hasn't he figured that out yet?! She kicks the door this time with both of her feet for emphasis. ]

I'm never taking a shower again!

[swordboning]

[Ignoring intensely!!!]

...I see. If I can score 50,000 points, it'll unlock the door.

[Sigh.]

Sorry, Rin, but I hate video games.

[codere]

Whaaaaaat?!

[ Is that the sound of her entire body slamming into the door? ]

Fifty-thousand points to unlock the door? I'm worth at least one-hundred fifty-thousand!

[swordboning]

To put this in terms you'd understand, fifty-thousand points unlocks the door. one-hundred thousand would gain your respect and I assume one-hundred and fifty-thousand would mean something more intimate.

[codere]

You're not unlocking that door of mine! Off-limits! Out of bounds!

That sector is denied to you, Archer! [ And that's the sound of her throwing her fists into the ground.

He's missing a quality temper tantrum here. ]

[swordboning]

[And he's glad for literally every moment of it.]

Good because I never planned on it. As a matter of fact, I don't plan on playing this game.

[That would require an order! Not the command spell version but one nonetheless.]

[codere]

Then I'll start by flooding the bathroom. [ She threatens out loud. ]

Once the bathroom is full of water, it'll start to leak out everywhere else. The damage will take you weeks to clean up.

[swordboning]

And you'll have to get a job.

[A beat.]

Don't say you won't because I'll make sure you pay for every cent.

[codere]

No way. I'll be dead.

If I'm flooding the bathroom, that means I'll drown. Stupid. Don't you know anything?

[ THUD! goes her head against the door. ] Archer, your craft is to create any weapon right? If you rip this door off the handle and swing it, doesn't it become a weapon?

So you can just make a new one! [ That's not how it works. ]

[swordboning]

[Absolutely dumb.]

I hate to destroy your well thought plans but I get the feeling that any method other than playing this game will fail. That's the kind of things they do there.

[codere]

So what? You beat the game, your princess is in another tower?

I wouldn't like that if I was suddenly in another bathroom.

Especially since I left all my clothes out there. [ They're at his feet.

... they're a mess.

Everything about this is a mess. ]

[swordboning]

You're more than aware of what would happen. The instructions are fairly clear either way.

[Beeps and boops as he pokes around at the game.]

[codere]

Ohhhh are you actually playing it now, Archer?

[ Her shadow peeks from underneath the door as she rests against it. ]

Hey Archer, what kind of game is it? Is it a fun game?

Are you having fun?

I want to play.

Can you lock yourself in the bathroom after?

[swordboning]

No, I'm not playing. No, I'm not having fun. And no, I'm not locking myself in.

[He's playing. Not having fun though.]