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[swordboning]

...you've reached Archer. Leave a message and if it's suitable, I'll get back to you.

Comments

[codere]

Then I'll start by flooding the bathroom. [ She threatens out loud. ]

Once the bathroom is full of water, it'll start to leak out everywhere else. The damage will take you weeks to clean up.

[swordboning]

And you'll have to get a job.

[A beat.]

Don't say you won't because I'll make sure you pay for every cent.

[codere]

No way. I'll be dead.

If I'm flooding the bathroom, that means I'll drown. Stupid. Don't you know anything?

[ THUD! goes her head against the door. ] Archer, your craft is to create any weapon right? If you rip this door off the handle and swing it, doesn't it become a weapon?

So you can just make a new one! [ That's not how it works. ]

[swordboning]

[Absolutely dumb.]

I hate to destroy your well thought plans but I get the feeling that any method other than playing this game will fail. That's the kind of things they do there.

[codere]

So what? You beat the game, your princess is in another tower?

I wouldn't like that if I was suddenly in another bathroom.

Especially since I left all my clothes out there. [ They're at his feet.

... they're a mess.

Everything about this is a mess. ]

[swordboning]

You're more than aware of what would happen. The instructions are fairly clear either way.

[Beeps and boops as he pokes around at the game.]

[codere]

Ohhhh are you actually playing it now, Archer?

[ Her shadow peeks from underneath the door as she rests against it. ]

Hey Archer, what kind of game is it? Is it a fun game?

Are you having fun?

I want to play.

Can you lock yourself in the bathroom after?

[swordboning]

No, I'm not playing. No, I'm not having fun. And no, I'm not locking myself in.

[He's playing. Not having fun though.]

[codere]

Come on, Archer. I bet I can get you out quicker before you can get me out.

[ Is she clawing at the door? Yes, yes she is. ]

It's so hoooooooot in here. I'm suffocating.

[swordboning]

Of course you would be able to. You probably have the distinct advantage of being able to read this program's structure and composition, giving you a path to victory. Someone like me would have to rely on instincts and physical skill.

[A rare compliment while Rin is naked in the shower.]

[codere]

Are you trying to hit on me while I'm in despair? I already told you that we're not having sex.

[ For further emphasis, she screams again, this time the howl lasting at least fifteen seconds. ]

[swordboning]

[When she's done....]

In your experience, we've done that already. Despite that, I have no interest in you or your body in that fashion so put it out of your mind.

[Maybe he prefers people who look like Saber??????]

And keep quiet, I'm trying to concentrate.

[codere]

Yeah and what if you promised to do me the next time? You technically owe me one.

[ He does Not but she's angry enough to lie about it. There's no honor when one's trapped in the bathroom. ]

[swordboning]

Are you trying to be the queen of mixed messages? On one hand, you say no. On the other, you act like it's owed to you.

[His previous statement doesn't change at all, though.


...for now.]

[codere]

Don't be the type of guy who gives something because it's owed. [ KICK! ]

How far along are you?

[swordboning]

Is this the part where you wish for me to be truly in love?

[lol]

Give me a few more minutes.

[He's hovering at about 45,000 but he doesn't think he'll open the door at 50k.]

[codere]

Have you ever been in love? I think a Blacksmith Hero would be too devoted to his craft whereas other heroes have stories involving love or war, usually the latter caused by the first.

[ She doesn't care what he does with his love life. ] I'm going to die in a few minutes.

[swordboning]

Who knows? Certainly no one cares, I can tell you that.

[Seriously, Rin? A few minutes?? Moving up to 70k because hey who cares.]

[codere]

You'd care if I died! I'll come back here and haunt you for the rest of your miserable existence!

[ Now it's back to her temper tantrum. ]

[swordboning]

I meant no one cares about my love life. Of course I care if you would die or even get hurt.

[Let's try to get to 110k.]

[codere]

I care. [ Only in the way a child would care about figuring out a puzzle. ]

Let's see... Miss Sakura is too good for someone like you, but there's that red head stuffy princess I could ship you with. Maybe that beauty that's hanging around with Emiya and Miss Sakura??

[swordboning]

Red head princess? I'm afraid you lost me. As for Rider, I'll pass.

[And opening the door because god, that line of conversation needs to stop. Hoping Rin doesn't pick up on that.]

[codere]

[ At least she's wrapped up in a pink towel, but she's as every bit of pathetic as one might expect from her. Sprawled out on the floor with her hair a mess, puffy eyes that are red... and a two hours worth of steam to the face. ]

Freedom! [ PCHOO! She ducks around him and bolts out of the bathroom. ]

[swordboning]

[Internally rolling his eyes. At least he can go back to his super relaxed spot on the couch while she does....whatever.]

[codere]

[ Don't worry, the kitten makes her way back out of the bedroom once she's dressed. Not that her attire is any less lewd, but at least now she's wearing pants. ]

Did you tailor the waistband for this? They're supposed to ride low.

[ Oh, she probably owes him a thank you or something: ] It took you too long to get me out of there so I'm going to teach you how to be better at video games.