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[swordboning]

...you've reached Archer. Leave a message and if it's suitable, I'll get back to you.

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[swordboning]

[To be honest, Archer heard it the first time. He just chose to ignore it.

The second time, he started heading into the hallway. The third time, he waited by the door, hoping for Rin to break down and say something. Which she did.

He immediately replied after the first yell.]

What is it? I'm not going to dry you off and dress you, if that's what you want.

[codere]

That's not what I want at all! [ And if he's listening carefully, he can hear her complain under her breath: ]

I compliment your looks just once and you think I'm trying to seduce you.

Archer! This isn't funny, you know!

[swordboning]

[Don't even go there Rin, he's just assuming she's being super lazy!]

What isn't funny? I haven't said or done a single humorous thing.

[codere]

You locked the door! [ There's another thud and the indistinguishable sound of her body sliding to the floor against it. ]

Just let me out already!

[swordboning]

...if you have any other false accusations to make, I'll be on the couch.

[Slowly starts padding away...!!!]

[codere]

Archer! [ Her voice is distant now.

... she's clearly in the middle of the bathroom floor. ]

I'm going to die in here.

[swordboning]

You're overreacting.

Secondly, no bathroom door locks on the outside. That would be stupid and bad design. Just unlock it yourself.

[Hangs around to say that.]

[codere]

I've tried, but it won't let me out! [ Thud, thud, thud.

... yes that's her kicking the door while on the floor. She's throwing the biggest temper tantrum right now. ]

[swordboning]

Your excessive skills at electronics aren't any help?

[That, he finds difficult to believe. Everything in this world basically revolved around technology.]

[codere]

[ LOUD DRAMATIC SIGHING. ]

It's a sin to hack without a pair of panties on. Like, I'm pretty sure there's a law against it.

[swordboning]

....under no circumstances am I opening that door while you're nude. All I'd be asking for is pain and regret.

[No one can deny that.]

[codere]

Then I'm going to stay here all night long. [ Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. ]

What are you going to do about breakfast? I'll starve if I'm in here the entire time.

[swordboning]

What do you even want me to do? If it's locked, that's your issue, not mine. If I have to break the door, that's money that we have to pay in reparations.

[Come on, Rin. Budgets have to be balanced.]

[codere]

As my Servant, my issues may as well be yours. [ Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. ]

Why did I leave my boots out there?

[swordboning]

You're the one who...

[Wow, a pause here. Mostly because something just opened up in front of Archer.]

...I wonder what this is.

[codere]

It's me being stuck in the bathroom is what it is!

[ Why hasn't he figured that out yet?! She kicks the door this time with both of her feet for emphasis. ]

I'm never taking a shower again!

[swordboning]

[Ignoring intensely!!!]

...I see. If I can score 50,000 points, it'll unlock the door.

[Sigh.]

Sorry, Rin, but I hate video games.

[codere]

Whaaaaaat?!

[ Is that the sound of her entire body slamming into the door? ]

Fifty-thousand points to unlock the door? I'm worth at least one-hundred fifty-thousand!

[swordboning]

To put this in terms you'd understand, fifty-thousand points unlocks the door. one-hundred thousand would gain your respect and I assume one-hundred and fifty-thousand would mean something more intimate.

[codere]

You're not unlocking that door of mine! Off-limits! Out of bounds!

That sector is denied to you, Archer! [ And that's the sound of her throwing her fists into the ground.

He's missing a quality temper tantrum here. ]

[swordboning]

[And he's glad for literally every moment of it.]

Good because I never planned on it. As a matter of fact, I don't plan on playing this game.

[That would require an order! Not the command spell version but one nonetheless.]

[codere]

Then I'll start by flooding the bathroom. [ She threatens out loud. ]

Once the bathroom is full of water, it'll start to leak out everywhere else. The damage will take you weeks to clean up.

[swordboning]

And you'll have to get a job.

[A beat.]

Don't say you won't because I'll make sure you pay for every cent.

[codere]

No way. I'll be dead.

If I'm flooding the bathroom, that means I'll drown. Stupid. Don't you know anything?

[ THUD! goes her head against the door. ] Archer, your craft is to create any weapon right? If you rip this door off the handle and swing it, doesn't it become a weapon?

So you can just make a new one! [ That's not how it works. ]

[swordboning]

[Absolutely dumb.]

I hate to destroy your well thought plans but I get the feeling that any method other than playing this game will fail. That's the kind of things they do there.